Today's scripture reflects on: Jer 31:31-4 & Romans 5:6-8
I'm captivated by the whole of Romans chapter 5. I keep reading it over and over again! How did I not discover this treasure before?
Verses 1-11 are about peace and joy
"So then, now that we have been justified by faith, we are at peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ; it is through him, by faith, that we have been admitted into God's favour in which we are living, and look forward exultantly to God's glory. Not only that; let us exult, too, in our hardships, understanding that hardship develops perseverance, and perseverance develops a tested character, something that gives us hope, and a hope which will not let us down, because the love of God has been poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit which has been given to us." This is Romans 5:1-5. Wow. And I mean... WOW. At least 10 things flow through my mind and soul reading just that first sentence. We are justified, we are at peace. Amen. Through our belief in our Lord Jesus Christ, we're 'admitted into God's favour'. I sin everyday. How can I be worthy of admission?! How can I even dare to look forward exultantly to God's glory? And yet, my external and internal being cries out to do just that - even though I do such wrong too. My friend Janine said to me this evening, that we all carry our cross so that we can be saved by the cross of Jesus. In the hardships He bestows on me, He also bestows blessings. Would my spirit be working overtime right now if my heart had not been broken? Would I be yearning for God's mercy as much as I do, if I had not accepted my own faults. Would I know such thing as hope and salvation if I had not already experienced a pouring of the Holy Spirit in the summer, believing in His Truth and Love? The words of this passage are like gentle cushions that my heart seems to be nestling in.
"When we were still weak, at the right time, Christ died for the godless. You could hardly find anyone ready to die even for someone upright; though it is just possible that, for a really good person, someone might undertake to die. So it is proof of God's own love for us, that Christ died for us while we were still sinners." Romans 5:6-8. This means He died for me too. I don't usually like for others to make special provisions for me - after all, I am nobody special. Yet, I can't help but feel that I owe God my whole being because He Loves me so much. I feel like I can never do enough for Him. I want to pray more, I want to adore more, I want to 'minister' more, I want to share more, I want to love more, I want to... but this is it. This is all about me. Christ died for me. When can my selfishness flip itself into God's Will?
Yesterday, I experienced a big questioning of myself, because Father Emmanuel had asked me 'how do you know if it was what the Holy Spirit wanted, or what you wanted?', and then for midday prayer, I felt stabbed when we prayed Psalm 120:
Longing for peace
Be patient in suffering; persevere in prayer (Romans 12:12)
To the Lord in the hour of my distress *
I call and he answers me.
O Lord, save my soul from lying lips, *
from the tongue of the deceitful."
What shall he repay you in return, *
O treacherous tongue?
The warriors arrows sharpened*
and coals, red-hot, blazing.
Alas, that I abide a stranger in Meshech, *
dwell among the tents of Kedar!
Long enough have I been dwelling*
with those who hate peace.
I am for peace, but when I speak, *
they are for fighting.
Glory to the Father and to the Son *
and to the Holy Spirit,
as it was in the beginning, is now, *
and will be forever. Amen.
Psalm Prayer
You declared peacemakers happy, Lord Jesus,
since they will be called sons of God.
Give us that peace which the world cannot give
so that your Church may be freed from the schemes of arrogant men,
and, devoted to works of peace,
go forward joyfully to meet you, the King of Peace.
Ant. I cried out to the Lord, and he heard me.
My Lord Jesus, I am so confused. Have I managed to harbour such a deceitful tongue? I place all my trust in You, and want so much to abide in your new commandment - how could I tarnish Your name and call myself Your servant when I am so ungodly? I am ashamed. I pray to You that I never again cause anybody to feel such ruin and destruction at the hands of my lying lips and treacherous tongue. You cleansed me from my sin when I received Your reconciliation. Now walk with me as I carry my cross and try to become the instrument that You have always intended me to be, in Your peace, and without arrogance.
"How much more can we be sure, therefore, that, now that we have been justified by his death, we shall be saved through him from the retribution of God. For if, while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his Son, how much more can we be sure that, being now reconciled, we shall be saved by his life. What is more, we are filled with exultant trust in God, through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have already gained our reconciliation." [Romans 5:9-11]
(I have not really reflected on the Jeremiah passage this evening... St. Paul's words are just too strong at this present moment in time, so I will come back to Jeremiah at some point in the future)
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