Reflections: Luke: 19:10 & Romans 10:8-11
I'm currently reading St. Augustine's Confessions of a Sinner. It is utterly beautiful. And my heart always beats faster when he writes something that I relate to. I highlight what I understand and believe with all my body, soul and spirit to be the eternal Truth, and I think, this whole flipping book should be covered in flourescent yellows and pinks, because it is ALL relative to me! I check back to my summer, and realise that I experienced something so similar to a Saint. Now, I don't in any way believe I'm a saint. If only! If between 1 and 10 a Saint is a 9.999, I'm around the 3-4 mark. I brought before the Lord once that I was jealous of the saints, their goodness, their love for Him, their openness to meet Jesus on every street corner, in every situation. With every sin I commit I pierce my own heart and realise how hard I just slapped the face of my loving Lord Jesus. No saint does that. How I love the Saints because they Loved the Trinity so much that they found it impossible to renounce their faith!!! Saints of God: PRAY FOR MEEEE!
Today's reflections speak so strongly of Salvation in Christ. And with all my heart I truly believe that by His death on the cross, humanity was saved; the same redemption that for thousands and thousands of years the prophets of the old testament proclaimed in the name of God. But honestly, I feel personally for myself, that Christ's salvation came with a responsibility. With Christ's salvation, a witness might come to harbour a great fear and restlessness for the Lord God, that they had never felt before their conversion. Or maybe it is just myself that I speak about. Being saved, means also being free. When I tasted, with the tip of my tongue, what Heaven in all it's glory may be like; tasting that freedom, salvation, redemption... I began developing a great fear for hurting God (and still live a fear for hurting God). I fear the stern way He corrects my wrongdoing - not so much because His chastising and humbling will teach me a big lesson, but that He had to chastise me in the first place. And my restlessness in knowing that no matter how good I try to be (which doesn't help that I'm a terrible sinner), I will always falter in self-disappointment. Sometimes I think... maybe I shouldn't try anymore - I'm so undeserving of another chance! Maybe that is I why I just do not feel worthy enough to address my God directly, and write of Him in the third person - call it writing in shame. But Christ saved me by dying in the Cross - so I now seek that Salvation in the truest sense of the word: eternal life in the Loving embrace of all who are Holy. The Saints probably know what I mean.
You know my heart more than I know mine own. It is Yours. Let it be Your instrument of Love and Peace, so that others may open their hearts to the salvation that is found on the cross - the cross in which Your human self died. How can I ever repay you?
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